IndyDDR.com

XxJennaxX wrote: Hanging out and trying to hold an emotional relationship are two totally seperate things.

But its one thing for them to think its ok, it's not their fault. I blame their parents for bad parental skills. They need to raise them a little better with a little more control of their kids.

You know who I blame. Superman! When he reversed the earths spin to go back in time and save Lois Lane, he fucked up the time and space continuum. Obviously these two love birds were meant to have been born on dates closer to each others. But due to supermans selfish desire to get some ass, cause lets face it what girl woudln't put out if you went back in time just to save her life, they were born a couple years apart due to a rift in time. But they've overcome this treachery caused by the man they call super, and found each other. Rejoice.

get out

Frankly, I'm shocked at this thread. I go away for a couple of days and look at what you guys start...

For Green Tea: I read her original post as an expression not of anger but a way of seeking reassurance. In fact, problems like this are the main reason I have an issue with Casey. If you joined a new internet community and instantly got some clown trolling you via IM, running down you and your boyfriend, before you'd had any other notable experiences with the forum, what would your reaction be? Frankly, I'm glad that she was inclined to seek the reassurance we'd like to give (that no, Casey is not a representative IndyDDR member) rather than to just decide we're all a pack of trolls and leave. I think it reflects maturity that she refrained from that overgeneralization; however, I'm in no position to comment on her overall maturity, knowing next to nothing else about her, so YMMV.

For Potter: yes, there are people who don't want sex, and there are healthy marriages between such people. There are also plenty of people who don't want sex now but don't rule out the possibility forever. Once people reach the level of self-confidence that frees them from trying to prove their impressiveness to others with sexual conquest, you'd be amazed at how many people (a) don't think sex is that great, or (b) have other priorities. I fall into both categories, though I'd like to believe that someday I'll find some adorable nerd and discover what all the fuss is about (if only because then other people would stop propositioning me - or I hope they would).

For information on these people that you find so exotic as to be impossible, I'd like to refer you to the AVEN website. Clicky clicky. (I encourage all others to consider visiting it as well - educational read.)

For everyone else who's felt the need to disparage their relationship, particularly Jenna for her digs about pedophilia bad parenting: what the hell is your problem? Do you feel so insecure about your own relationships that you have to try to make others share your fate? I have known happy and successful couples of all ages and age differences. I have also known miserable couples of all ages and age differences. Believe it or not, she's not a child! If the people she respects, likes and is friends with are in his age range rather than her own, it would be far more harmful for her to try to date someone her age who's her mental inferior. It would also be rather unfair to tell her, "Oh, don't start your life yet; wait another five or ten years until you won't make the rest of us uncomfortable." What happens to a dream deferred?

To the young couple themselves: I'm sorry you've had to wade through all this muck, and please don't let criticism like this get to you. The difference in your ages is something that may influence or impact your relationship in a number of ways, but I have no reason to believe that you haven't considered that difference adequately, and these people don't have any such reason either.

Sadly, there are people in the world who worry that their only claim to wisdom, maturity or other virtue is the fact that they're older than some other people. These people find it necessary to single out the young at every turn, to demand that they act differently and be treated differently than others, and to throw a veritable fit about anyone in "their" age group who doesn't recognize or agree with the barriers that they set up. The best thing to do with these people is ignore them. You yourselves know if you are right for each other. We don't know either way.

To the people who have defended the couple collectively, esp. Gattchoon & MMR: thank you. It's always nice to know I'm not the only one who cringes when one person begins lecturing another about the immorality of their lifestyle choices.

To Ho: thank you for your remarks about age and for your willingness to treat people of all ages with respect and decency. I'm now far removed from the pariah age group that you describe, but I still remember how difficult it was at times being a 10-year-old investigating calculus, or a 14-year-old programming a compiler, and having no one to talk to. The few adults who were willing to treat a "little kid" with kindness made an indescribable difference in my life. I hope that your kindness has made a similar difference for others.

As a little addendum to no-one in particular: when I was a kid, I found like minds through the then-young Internet. I very quickly discovered that one could avoid disclosing any information about age, race and other personal characteristics, and that this was a remarkable technique for warding off the bigotry present in most of the world. Unfortunately, it's also a very difficult habit to break. Draw your own conclusions.

All of Jenna's posts

Ah, yet more evidence of Casey's influence still reaching the boards to bash a member.

So she's 14 and he's 18. Oh well. You're not allowed to talk about naivity, Jenna. You lost your virginity to Casey. Game over.

I actually liked Akra's post on this one, she addressed most of the issues I was going to touch on... so I'll leave it at that. Everything besides this: A pedophile is someone attracted to pre-pubescent children. I do believe there's grass on the field at the age of 14. Play ball. hur hur.

To Arka: I've never said I was insecure, b/c I'm not, and I don't want 'others to share my fate,' considering mine isn't a bad one. I just do not think it is appropriate for an 18 yo to date a 14 yo until she is at least a little older. Sure, there are age gaps in relationships of all kinds, but this is either a senior or a college freshman dating either a freshman or a sophomore. I don't know about anyone else, but my parents would kill me if I was 14 and dated someone that much older b/c the development between the two are quite different even if both or only one are so mature, and c'mon how many older guys want to date younger girls for their 'personality?'

And to Chris: FACT: I did lose my virginity to Casey. OTHER FACTS: I knew what I was doing, I wanted to lose it to him b/c I loved him, I knew the consequences, and I wasn't naive b/c he didn't force me into it. If I do recall, he was shocked I actually said yes, an that was because I was comfortable with MY decision to further our relationship. And here's the kicker, WE'RE STILL TOGETHER 4 YEARS LATER [sometimes off but usually on], AND UNLIKE MOST PEOPLE I DONT' REGRET MY DECISION OR THE FACT THAT I LOST IT TO HIM. So nice try w/ all your little jabs to make me feel bad or insecure b/c it's not going to work b/c unlike you, I don't have one-night stands that I will regret later in life just b/c I wanted to act on my impulses. All of my actions are purely my own, and I'm a big advocate of making sure I don't do things I will regret, and all of the above was one that I DO NOT regret. Besides, I'm done arguing w/ your petty logic.

arka, stfu. This is why I don't post seriously .When I do nobody takes the time to comprehend what I mean. I said people sexually attracted to one another. As in thinks your sexy/hot/want to express your love. Not actually wanting to have sex, or actually do it. If you can have a working relationship without any sexual interest then where do you draw the line that separates best friends and your lover? oh wait, sexual interest is pretty much the divider. REATURDZZ

Jenna: Ok.

Edit: Not gonna drag dirty laundry across the forums for everyone to see and laugh at.

Chris, even if there were dirty laundry, I really wouldn't care. Besides, I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth anyways.

w/e i do wut i want b/c i kan!

XxJennaxX wrote:Hanging out and trying to hold an emotional relationship are two totally seperate things.

You are quite correct. But my point was making assumptions about people based on their chronological age. I believe it is foolish to make assumptions about people on their age alone without taking the time to actually know them.

Another example:
I don't know you all that well, but I don't assume you act like Casey just because you date him.

XxJennaxX wrote:But its one thing for them to think its ok, it's not their fault. I blame their parents for bad parental skills. They need to raise them a little better with a little more control of their kids.

With regard to this, I would hope that they are not keeping their relationship a secret from their parents. I would find this distressing. But again you're making assumptions. Perhaps their parents know and have taken the time to get to know the other party involved, set forth guidelines, and are monitoring progress. I don't know these things, and I'm not willing to write off their parenting skills in the absense of this kind of information.

Potter wrote:arka, stfu. This is why I don't post seriously .When I do nobody takes the time to comprehend what I mean. I said people sexually attracted to one another. As in thinks your sexy/hot/want to express your love. Not actually wanting to have sex, or actually do it. If you can have a working relationship without any sexual interest then where do you draw the line that separates best friends and your lover? oh wait, sexual interest is pretty much the divider. REATURDZZ

You didn't go to the website, did you? They have some very interesting debates on precisely this issue (what makes a lover different from a friend when there's no sex involved?). And no, sexual interest does not need to be the divider.

Maybe THIS is why a 14-year-old girl might want to date an older guy... maybe all the 14-year-old guys around her have Potter's "love = sex" attitude deeply ingrained.

XxJennaxX wrote:I don't know about anyone else, but my parents would kill me if I was 14 and dated someone that much older...

Ah. So the core issue is that you wouldn't have been able to get away with dating who you wanted at 14, so why should she?

I don't know about anyone else, tee-hee, but if I was 14 and dated someone who was 18, my parents would have been delighted. For starters, I would have been dating someone (they were somewhat concerned that I would never meet anyone who rose to my exacting standards, and thus far they've been partially right). It wouldn't have been unnatural - IIRC, 14 was when I started my first course at the local community college, so such a person would probably have been one of my classmates. And it wouldn't have been unusual in my town - many of the young women I knew growing up were married by 18 or 19, and one hopes they dated these people they wound up engaged to at some point.

If I had been involved in such a situation, my parents would certainly have wanted to meet the other party and know a great deal about him, and they would probably have set some limits on what we could and couldn't do, but they would have encouraged it - or at any rate, not stamped it out reflexively.

XxJennaxX wrote:...and c'mon how many older guys want to date younger girls for their 'personality?'

An 18-year-old is not an "older guy" from my particular age viewpoint, but okay. How many guys in general want to date girls in general for their personality? Assuming that there are some in this category, why is it so impossible that one such guy might find a personality that appeals to him in a girl who's younger, rather than older? If the gender roles were reversed - i.e., if she were 18 and he were 14 - how would it be any different?

I still don't understand how you, who probably does not know either of these people that well, can be so convinced that you know their ulterior motives for dating, even if they don't.

XxJennaxX wrote:And to Chris: FACT: I did lose my virginity to Casey. OTHER FACTS:...

T M FREAKIN' I!!!!

Refer to Smiley's Law: Any argument that requires sharing the details of your love life with your intended audience is usually not worth making. It's great that you feel comfortable having sex with him! We're all happy for you! But the fact that you feel the need to tell us all about it doesn't really advance your argument, and you run the risk of incurring a "thou dost protest too much..." response anyway.

Ho wrote:Another example:
I don't know you all that well, but I don't assume you act like Casey just because you date him.

Of course not! She's giving us much better reasons to assume she acts like Casey!

(Edit: not really serious, BTW, despite some of my frustrations with you [Jenna] in this thread.)

arka, you need to quit posting, your crediting a website on unproven emotional issues, emotions are not facts that can be proven, judging from you and your posts I really doubt you would know anything whatsoever about sex and relationships, after reading your horribly illogical first few sentences I obviously did not bother to read the rest. You cannor have true love without being interested in them pshysicly at all.

When I was, 15... I had a 19-year-old girlfriend that was in college.


We even had sex. *gasp*

Potter wrote:arka, you need to quit posting, your crediting a website on unproven emotional issues, emotions are not facts that can be proven, judging from you and your posts I really doubt you would know anything whatsoever about sex and relationships, after reading your horribly illogical first few sentences I obviously did not bother to read the rest.

I'm encouraging you to reference the opinions of many people, some of whom have been happily married for years, when they say that for them there is a difference between lovers and friends that runs deeper than just sex. If you're not comfortable with the idea that these people see the world differently than you do, perhaps you should be asking yourself why that is the case. Whether you choose to do so is, as always, your prerogative.

Potter wrote:You cannor have true love without being interested in them pshysicly at all.

How on Earth do you presume to tell me about what true love is and isn't? There are more things in heaven and earth, Potter, than are dreamt of in your sweeping generalizations. Are you hoping that if you make your assertion with enough venom I'll forget that I have no reason to put any more credence in your opinion than in my own or anyone else's? Or are you just trying to start a flame war at this point?

Either way, I don't really care. You are certainly welcome to your opinion; let us hope that it always remains merely that, and that you are never placed in a position from which you can enforce it upon others.

Let us also hope that you take trolling lessons from someone, because you're still none too expert at it.

hahahha your still talking