Internet dating *or* grasping for love at end of one's rope

[Merk]

Yeah that was a solid mack and if she can't appreciate it then welp!

[Ho]

Your brand of dating seems desperately discomforting and hopelessly ineffectual, yet comically abrasive and wildly entertaining.

[Fluffyumpkins]

How can I bag a Ho?

[Merk]

Check the Ho for the dough you know what I'm saying?

[Ho]

How can I bag a Ho?

Whatever you're doing, it's working.

[Merk]

How fast can you bag I Ho? I can only do 65 BPM (bags per minute)

[Fluffyumpkins]

I'm gonna neg Brian.

[Merk]

Code: Select all

12:19	Riot	Your photos are okay
12:21	Riot	your profile is pretty funny lol
12:22	Riot	I think you are a classy fish
12:22	Riot	swimming in a poop-ridden lake
12:22	Riot	of bisexual satanic fish

[Riot]

Just keep swimming little guy

[SoDeepPolaris]

The key to wooing women is to woo them.

[Fluffyumpkins]

The key to wooing women is to woo them.

Please go on.

[SoDeepPolaris]

The key to wooing women is to woo them.

Please go on.

I was being facetious. Winky face.

Well OKCupid was a crap shoot even for a solidly attractive guy like myself (objective statement, obviously). I had messages back and forth but nothing ever developed into an actual date. You should read some of the messages most girls get on there. They can make your skin crawl (or pity).

My current relationship started with introducing myself to an attractive girl sitting next to a mutual friend in person (benefits of a college campus). Talked a couple of times after that. Went a couple weeks without talking after finals week since I work in another city. Random text from her "You should come back" one day so I asked her out on a date and that's a wrap, dawg.

I will say that post-grad when I was working full-time it was difficult to meet people. Bars are really only good for one nighters.

[Fluffyumpkins]

A lot of women put comments in their profile saying, "Don't bother messaging me for sex" or "No I don't want dick pics" so I'm guessing they get pretty bad. One woman said something around not messaging her if a username was about the size of their penis. I told her "Fluffyumpkins" pretty accurately describes my penis. No response.

I'd always wondered how SDP met his lady. I also wonder what SDP is like since I've never met him.

[Merk]

IRC chat in regards to a lady Chad is eyeballin'

Code: Select all

16:49	Riot	ood - If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, I would only eat popcorn. That's how much I love it. I also love sushi, anything Italian, Mexican food (especially guacamole!), and discovering new ethnic foods.
16:49	Riot	she's perfect!
16:49	Fluffyumpkins	Popcorn was my in.
16:50	Fluffyumpkins	Anime will probably be my out.

[Fluffyumpkins]

Holy shit I'm crying this is so funny. This conversation began with her messaging me out of the blue today. This is the best Halloween ever!

Oct 31, 2013 – 5:58am
Her: I think I love you

Oct 31, 2013 – 7:58pm
Me: Does that mean we have to get married?

Oct 31, 2013 – 7:59pm
Her: Naaaaaaaa let's start with dinner or inappropriate amounts of liquor

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:02pm
Me: That sounds more traditional. Having a good Halloween?

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:04pm
Her: Epicly LAME

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:06pm
Me: That's no good. You gotta do it big. At least watch a movie or carve a pumpkin.

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:08pm
Her: I would love to do both. I get scared of scary movies so I would need somebody manly to watch one with. And I'd rather drink and eat candy designated for kids

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:10pm
Me: Sounds like a pretty solid evening.

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:11pm
Her: Minus the manly man and drinks and candy... None of which I have.... Sure.

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:18pm
Me: I'm sure you can scrounge up 2 out of 3.

Oct 31, 2013 – 8:51pm
Her: That's... I'm..... Er... K.

Oct 31, 2013 – 9:05pm
Me: That's the spirit.

So what makes you so sure we'll get along?

Oct 31, 2013 – 9:09pm
Her: Nothing anymore