Valentine's day is a conspiracy!

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Arka
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Post by Arka » Fri Feb 10, 2006 7:37 am

Original Sin wrote: I suppose this is one of the fundamental differences between men and women...Unless the guy is a hopeless romantic, he can usually go for quite a while without seeing his significant other, and be perfectly fine.
Women on the other hand, most I've encountered anyway, seem to have this need to see their significant other on a near constant basis. So usually, the guy ends up having to spend immense amounts of time with her, and while this makes the woman happy, it eventually becomes pretty annoying from the guys stand point.
I don't think I'd give it the rank of "one of the fundamental differences between men and women."

My one serious romantic involvement was with a dear, close friend who eventually had to move for personal reasons. We carried on a "distance relationship" (such a silly term) for a while. I was okay with the fact that I'd only see him every few months, but he eventually decided it was too difficult to deal with.

And no, he wasn't a hopeless romantic (hey, he never wanted to do anything for Valentine's Day!), he just had a different set of emotional needs than I did.

So maybe more women than men want to spend a lot of time around their SO, but it's certainly not fundamental.
Original Sin wrote:Don't worry Erin, you'll get to see him. You see him tons more than I do, and he's one of my best friends. We used to hang out damn near every day, now it's what...maybe once a week, if that? The fact that you're seeing him far more than any one else should make you feel good about your situation...you still seem to be at the top of the list. Instead of trying to make him spend more time with you, be thankful for the amount of time he spends with you, especially when compared to the time he gets to spend with anyone else.
Eek, calm thou. Bitter much? :roll:

Seriously, I doubt that seeing him more than you do has anything to do with it. MMR's sentiment is probably motivated by affection and enjoyment of his company, not by the need to be at "the top of the list." As such, "list" position changes nothing.

(MMR, if I'm wrong in my assumptions about your mindset, please accept my apologies and feel free to slap me around a bit with a large trout.)

MMR: I can't say I reacted with "WTF?!", but I do feel for you. Here's hoping things get better, VDay or no VDay.

And on a lighter note, for the rest of us: congratulations on another Valentine's Day spent without having to make any reservations, order any flowers, select any chocolates, mail any cards or deal with any people. Except those we work with, unfortunately.

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Post by Original Sin » Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:34 am

I was hardly being bitter, that's actually me trying to be reassuring. If I were being bitter, it'd be a hell of a lot worse.

And long distance relationships are another animal entirely, and even comparing them to day to day relationships in such a way isn't really the point. I was in a long distance relationship, I know how hard it is, but it's nothing like a regular relationship.

I'm not saying that Erin wants to be at the 'top of the list,' I know it's because she enjoys his company. However, she also has to keep in mind who he is, and be mindful of the fact that he needs his time alone. I'm the same way, and I've known him for a long time, so I try to stick up for him. Frankly, I don't care if she's pissed at me for saying it now, because ultimately, I think it's something she needs to hear. You can only push someone so far out of their comfort zone before they snap, and I don't want to see that happen here.
If Chris wants me to shut the hell up about it, he can tell me.

And yeah, he sleeps a lot. 3rd shift can be absolute fucking murder, especially working 12 hours. Some days you CAN'T wake up and be active. Even when you feel fine when you crawl in bed, I've had plenty of times where my alarm clock has gone off some 8 hours later, and I've felt like absolute shit, and couldn't get out of bed. You can't plan for that..yeah, it happens a lot, but he's working a murder shift. In a freezer.
He's gonna need a lot of days to himself to recover, or he's gonna go nuts.

You guys are gonna have to compromise on this. He's done a lot of things out of character, and he's spent the vast majority of his social time with you, Erin. He's gonna need time alone, and time with other people.
I know since you're going away this is a special circumstance, but it's not the first time I've heard talk like this about him wanting to do other things.

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Post by Arka » Fri Feb 10, 2006 9:10 am

Original Sin wrote:I was hardly being bitter, that's actually me trying to be reassuring. If I were being bitter, it'd be a hell of a lot worse.
Word taken.
And long distance relationships are another animal entirely, and even comparing them to day to day relationships in such a way isn't really the point. I was in a long distance relationship, I know how hard it is, but it's nothing like a regular relationship.
Ouch, man. Whatever your history in this regard may be, I can agree that there are *typical* differences between seeing someone every week and seeing them every month. Most of these differences are healthy and normal. However, once you know me better, you'll realize that all of my relationships (romantic or otherwise) are immensely bizarre, so the distinction loses some of its meaning. :D

I wasn't trying to compare the relationship to anything (that would be a bad idea) - I was using it as an example that guys can feel loneliness and want to spend a lot of time with their SO. I don't think the fact that the relationship was physically remote invalidates it in that context.
<cut>

You guys are gonna have to compromise on this. He's done a lot of things out of character, and he's spent the vast majority of his social time with you, Erin. He's gonna need time alone, and time with other people.
I know since you're going away this is a special circumstance, but it's not the first time I've heard talk like this about him wanting to do other things.
The thing is, you can understand that someone needs their time alone and still be unhappy about the consequences (that you don't get to see them that often) and express loneliness. I appreciate your good intentions, but MMR didn't rant and complain, she just said it was frustrating. I don't see any way around that - I found it frustrating too when I spent my first Valentine's Day together-yet-alone with someone, for a whole myriad of reasons.

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Post by Mosh_Mosh_Revolution » Fri Feb 10, 2006 11:33 am

First off, thanks, Arka. I seriously appreciate it.

Aaand, Shaun. I realize that Chris needs time alone. And I guess you're right. I don't give him much of that. But this is the way I look at it. He's awake from around 7:00 in the evening until 8:00 in the morning. My curfew is midnight. So when you really look at it, if I'm "taking his time away," it's only a few hours. I really appreciate that he's as willing as he is to share his time with me.

I understand that you try to stick up for him. But some of the things you say (that don't involve this discussed situation) don't help. In fact, some of the things you "stick up for him" for are things he doesn't want (read: his co-worker's "party" the day after I get back). And, at least from my standpoint, you're a very intelligent, logical person. And it kills me that you would say things with intent to guide Chris on to something he might just not be interested in (no quoting me).

I don't know what you're saying about comfort zones. I mean, I realize that men and women are different. It's not hard to figure out. u_u But if seeing me is really outside of his comfort zone, then there's more problems than stupid old Valentine's Day. Problems that we should deal with without other people getting involved in. He and I seem to handle things fine, when there's a bump in the road. It's when other people involve themselves that things become a problem.

And Shaun, I'm fine with him sleeping. I understand.

"He's done a lot of things out of character"? ...Did you ever think that this is just him with a girlfriend? You've never seen him with a girlfriend before, have you? Maybe this isn't out of character. Maybe this is right on track. It's just not what you're used to.

I realize that he's spent a lot of time with me. I'm not knocking on that. I love it. And, once again, I don't mind if he has alone time. That's cool. Time with other people, very fine as well (as long as "other people" doesn't include trashy naked women, kthx. u_u). I do it, too. I spend an incredible amount of time with Luke. But when I know Chris is off work, I would rather see him than anybody else. If he's sleeping or not feeling well or whatever, I understand. But if he's willing to do something, I don't see why I shouldn't be able to spend time with him.

Going away is a special circumstance for me. If you knew the whole history between Matt and I, you'd see why it's such a special circumstance, too. And the fact that I've gone a year where I haven't missed a week of seeing him at least once...? That's riding on me hard, too. I'm worried about missing him. And being around Matt won't help. So I'm worried even more. It's not much fun...

Call me crazy, but I like to see the one I love. -.-

*gives Arka cookies and wanders out*
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Post by DjKARL » Fri Feb 10, 2006 11:45 am

Yes, it's time to get ripping drunk, then rant about how love is not real, and other stuff like that...Girls suck so hardcore! Argg...where's me missle?!?!
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Post by The X » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:06 pm

DjKARL wrote:Yes, it's time to get ripping drunk, then rant about how love is not real, and other stuff like that...Girls suck so hardcore! Argg...where's me missle?!?!
Oh....Love IS real........

For the truly superficial. :lol:
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Post by Green Tea » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:27 pm

Mosh_Mosh_Revolution wrote:So... Not only will I be spending Valentine's Day at home by myself, but I'll also be going the 11th to the 21st without seeing Chris.

And that's if he decides to not go to his the party for his co-worker, which I don't agree with at all. u_u

This is really becoming...I can't even come up with the right word. But if you understand what I'm talking about, you can come up with a word yourself.
I have 3 months until I see my girlfriend, and that includes valentines day. I have until may 17th.
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Post by Fuzakeru » Fri Feb 10, 2006 1:43 pm

Original Sin wrote: However, she also has to keep in mind who he is, and be mindful of the fact that he needs his time alone. I'm the same way, and I've known him for a long time, so I try to stick up for him. Frankly, I don't care if she's pissed at me for saying it now, because ultimately, I think it's something she needs to hear. You can only push someone so far out of their comfort zone before they snap, and I don't want to see that happen here.
If Chris wants me to shut the hell up about it, he can tell me . . etc.
I can completely understand sticking up for a friend and believe its good that you show you care about him but I think there had to have been a better way to do that.

Perhaps a PM or an IM would have been better to express these feelings rather than jumping Erin in this thread; having consideration that this little tangent here might do nothing more than cause more problems and stress for Chris himself.

My two cents - if Chris had a problem with any of this I'm sure he'd speak with Erin; knowing that no relationship is perfect and compromise is the base for everything.

annnnnnnnnnnnd penis penis penis FTW

Myles is taking me out for dinner at the same place he took me two years ago, Lion's Den. We met online and talked on the phone for a few months and Valentine's day two years ago is the day I flew from Mississippi to Michigan to meet him. I finally moved here permanently September 11th of 2004. So needless to say this day has a lot of special meanings to me and to him; first time on a plane ( irrelevant to love but OMGITWASSOKEWLPLANESFTW!one1! ), our first meeting, both of ours first kiss, my first rose, and other firsts were discovered later as well.

Myles, if by any chance you lurk around here - I love you, sweetie. Thank you for giving me the best two years of my life and I know there'll be many more to come.

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Post by DjKARL » Fri Feb 10, 2006 3:12 pm

Well...it's the weekend again, and it's time to go to the strip club...I'm tellin' ya'll...IT'S A NEW ERA...of lonelyness...
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Post by sam » Fri Feb 10, 2006 5:18 pm

so it's friday night and i have a pocket full of magical mushrooms and a 80s-themed party to attend....time to forget about this thing called "love" and buy into the real american dream...sex, drugs & rock and roll

(watch fear & loathing and trip a few times and you'll understand)
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Post by The X » Fri Feb 10, 2006 5:37 pm

You both make me cry....

And laugh.....

At the same time. :D
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Post by Original Sin » Fri Feb 10, 2006 6:35 pm

In regards to distance relationships, yes guys can feel lonliness when way from the significant other, but I was refering to more of a day to day routine kinda thing. We generally don't have to see someone every day to feel loved.

And Erin, I know by ranting and talking about it you're expressing your want to see him and spend time with him. But by talking about it like that, it can make him feel bad for wanting his time alone. If you want him to be mindful of your feelings, then you must do the same for him. You both have innocent intentions with your potentially hurtful statements, but as has been demonstrated in the past, it doesn't always work out that way.

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Post by Green Tea » Fri Feb 10, 2006 7:14 pm

Original Sin wrote:In regards to distance relationships, yes guys can feel lonliness when way from the significant other, but I was refering to more of a day to day routine kinda thing. We generally don't have to see someone every day to feel loved.

And Erin, I know by ranting and talking about it you're expressing your want to see him and spend time with him. But by talking about it like that, it can make him feel bad for wanting his time alone. If you want him to be mindful of your feelings, then you must do the same for him. You both have innocent intentions with your potentially hurtful statements, but as has been demonstrated in the past, it doesn't always work out that way.
I don't feel lonely, I talk to her often. But being apart from her so many times is just really inconvienant. I was never really one to believe in true love, but now I have no doubt it exists. And no, you don't have to see someone every day to feel loved. If you love them and they love you, then there should never be a point where you don't feel loved.
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Post by DjKARL » Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:12 pm

YO!

got a really creepy email from one of my ex's that I haven't talked to in like....5 years...and she's really bothering me, so, anyone from BSU here?
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Post by XxJennaxX » Sat Feb 11, 2006 11:33 am

In an odd way, being recently single w/ Valentine's Day coming up does not bother me one bit. Just another day I can stress less about buying a significant other something. But, as Matt suggested, I will be spending it w/ the people I love and care about, and that's all that matters. Besides, we shouldn't have to make love all about one day. You should celebrate it everyday.

And I agree w/ Matt again in that love is real. Hard to believe sometimes, but I think love universally binds people together. And IMO, it's one of those extreme emotions that will never disappear because I believe if you truly love someone, then that feeling will never go away under any circumstance.
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